Living Without Chaos

It’s been well documented that highly successful people tend to make decisions quickly and they rarely change their minds.

Do you have these traits – or do you struggle to make decisions and then waffle back and forth afterward? Having a decision making process to follow can be a faster and more effective alternative.

This proven process has worked well for others; it can work for you, too:

1. Consider your values. Project into the future and imagine how you’ll feel about your choice. It can be easy to go down the wrong path during difficult times; stick to your core values and you’ll feel much better in the end.

2. Avoid allowing fear to paralyze you. If you’re in danger of falling off a cliff, fear serves a purpose. However, if you tend to fear any change, then it’s wise to make a concerted effort to keep this fear out of your decision process. A fear of change can prevent you from seriously considering any of your options and keep you from making any decision at all.

3. Make a list of pros and cons. What will you potentially gain and lose from each of the options available to you? Make a list of your options and look at things from that perspective. Draw a line down the middle of your page and put the pros on one side and the cons on the other for each option. This exercise clarifies your choices.

4. What are your long-term goals? What is your vision of your ideal life? Which option is most supportive of that vision?

5. Set a deadline. Decide how long it should take you to make up your mind and stick to it. Consider how much reflection and information gathering time you should need. When that time has come and gone, promise yourself that you’ll make a decision and stick with it. Is spending another week in turmoil really going to help you make up your mind?

6. Realize that it doesn’t matter (much). When you’re faced with a couple of good choices, either choice may work out fine. For example, if you’re stuck between two different chicken salad options on the menu, is it really going to matter in the long run? Regardless of which one you select, you’ll likely enjoy it either way!

* Simply making the choice and following through consistently will yield great results. Not making up your mind gets you nowhere fast. If you really can’t choose, flip a coin and get busy. You’ll be much further ahead than if you never choose anything at all.

Making decisions quickly takes practice. It’s counter-productive to become so worried about making a wrong decision that you never choose anything at all. Follow the process above and make a decision.

In most cases, the act of making the decision is the powerful aspect, not which option is ultimately selected. If you didn’t reject an option immediately, it’s probably not too bad. So make up your mind and get busy living your life!

Changing your life is possible. It only requires a few key ingredients: a plan, patience, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. If you’ve really struggled with life, it can be helpful to start small. Achieving a few small successes will give you the confidence to move forward with larger changes.

Follow this process to transform your life into the one you truly want to live:

1. Choose the thing that will have the greatest impact. Examine your life and think about every change you would like to make. Then put the list in order from the most desirable change to least.

* Now, start at the top and look down the list; stop at the first thing you can change in a relatively short period.

2. Set a goal. What could you achieve in 8-12 weeks around the topic you identified in step #1? Be bold; you’re far more capable than you think!

* Write out specifically what you intend to accomplish, such as, “On or before July 15th, I will have increased my income to $6,000 a month by finding a part-time job.”

3. Reflect on what has stopped you. Something has stopped you so far; figure out what that something is. Is it a lack of knowledge of how to do it? Is it fear? Capability is rarely the problem; most likely, you’ll find that fear or doubt is at the root of what has prevented you from aggressively taking action.

4. Address the issues in Step #3. Whatever has been stopping you up to this point isn’t going to go away on its own. Come up with a plan to eliminate the challenge. Including simple tools like meditation can boost your success in overcoming these challenges.

* A good test is to think about what you’ll have to go through to achieve your goal; if you feel anything but positive and excited, you have some work to do. This is feedback from your unconscious, so don’t ignore it – use it. It’s a gift.

5. Review your goal daily (at least). Continuing to reinforce your goal will maintain its priority in your mind. Look at it every day and read it aloud. Imagine accomplishing your goal. The tougher the goal, the more frequently you should reinforce it.

6. Have a course of action. A basic plan divided into a list of small steps, or daily activities to accomplish, can be your road map to your goal. Big goals usually require a lot of action steps, but you can achieve them by following your map, one step at a time. Make a plan and work the plan.

7. Track your progress. It’s important to measure how you’re doing. For example, if you have a money-related goal, how much have you made so far? How much time is left until your deadline? Are you behind or ahead of schedule? Always know where you stand relative to the achievement of your goal.

8. Don’t stop. If you don’t quit, you can’t fail.

Transforming your life is a noble pursuit and one of the most meaningful things you can do for yourself. But it’s not for the faint of heart. Be patient – you’re not going to change everything overnight. Knock off a few of the easier items first. The confidence you gain will guide you through the tougher challenges.

Why is self-awareness important? Seeing yourself as you truly are is crucial to personal growth. Once you can see the truth, you can more fully develop your natural talents and use your natural passions to find greater success and fulfillment.

As Lao Tzu says, “Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.”

Why Self Awareness is Difficult

It’s easy to find fault with others and put your finger on exactly what they’re doing wrong, but finding fault with yourself can be extremely challenging.

Instead of admitting your mistakes, it’s tempting to try and escape by making excuses and justifying your actions. Or you may just ignore these errors by distracting yourself with pleasurable activities or doing something good for someone to feel better about yourself.

Alternately, you might depend on recognition and admiration from others in order to mask your faults. By doing do, your mind learns to motivate you by external praise rather than by the greater rewards inherent in living a lifestyle in congruence with your values and natural abilities.

Even though it might be challenging to find out the truth, discovering yourself can help you determine self-defeating behaviors like these so you can move toward behaviors that help you.

Be Aware of Your Motivations

Knowing your motives may not always be easy, but it’s essential if you want to become self-aware. When you say something to someone, ask yourself why you said it. Even better, ask this question before you say it.

For instance, if a couple of your friends are discussing their fear of flying, you might be tempted to barge in and tell them how you adore flying. But before you speak, ask yourself why you want to say it. Is it because you feel superior to them?

If you go ahead and blurt it out, you’ll likely find that it creates some amount of tension in your friends. Maybe they resent you for being better off than them. They just might play the game of win and lose with you and bring up something you’re afraid of.

Without self-reflexivity, all sorts of vicious cycles can be perpetuated. This is just one example. You can surely think of others.

Be Aware of Your Intentions

On a slightly different note than knowing your motivations, it’s also important to know your intentions. Your objectives can set off a chain of events, negative or positive, depending on what your aim is.

For example, let’s look at Sarah. Sarah’s secret intention is to hook a wealthy boyfriend. She doesn’t really care about his personality or what he looks like. But because the intention goes against her essential self, she is likely to invite disastrous results.

Maybe the man she attracts is also looking for some way to gain from the relationship, regardless of the cost to Sarah. In the end, there can only be a parting of ways because neither intention took the other person into account or what they truly needed for happiness to thrive.

In becoming self aware, you can delve into your intentions and modify them as you wish.

Recognize Your Patterns

We all operate on certain patterns, which we have created from our past experiences. We keep acting in the same ways, often without realizing it. With self-awareness, you can recognize your patterns, keep the ones that help you, and then form new patterns that better contribute to your goals.

For instance, a lonely individual might try and overcome his loneliness by attracting attention. He could be arrogant and flamboyant and bossy. But his behavior will create the opposite effect: instead of being recognized and loved, he may be shunned and scorned.

When you recognize these internal templates, though, you can see which ones no longer serve you. Then you can take steps toward changing them.

When you use these guidelines, you’ll have started on a path of self-awareness that can bring you great fulfillment throughout your life. As you uncover new behaviors and patterns, you’ll be able to ask yourself if they’re what you really want. Through self-awareness, you can have the life you always wanted.

Bad habits can be hard to break. Regardless of the habit, destructive behaviors keep you away from the life you desire.

Unhealthy habits can have a negative impact on your physical and mental health and leave you feeling as if you don’t have enough control over your impulses. While change is frequently challenging, having a plan can make it easier.

This step-by-step plan can help you eliminate any bad habit:

1. Monitor the habit for a week. Make note of the times you’re likely to engage in the habit. Maybe you only smoke around certain friends. Perhaps you bite your nails when you’re stressed or bored. At any rate, identify under which circumstances your habit is most likely to rear its ugly head.

2. Find out why. Your habit is satisfying some need. You’re gaining a benefit or you wouldn’t be exhibiting the behavior at all. Figuring out the positive aspects of your habit will help you understand it. Once you understand it, you can begin to change it.

3. Develop a substitute behavior. Find a more acceptable alternative that satisfies the same need that was being met by the old habit. So if your habit helps you to deal with stress, what are some healthy alternatives? Yoga? Other exercise? Deep breathing? Meditating? Singing? Watching a comedy? Calling a friend?

* What could you do instead that isn’t harmful? Better yet, what could you do instead that would be healthy for you?

* Start substituting the new habit for the old. It will take a fair amount of attention at first, but begin intentionally substituting the new behavior each time you would automatically use the old behavior. It’s likely to be challenging, but with a positive focus, you can do it.

4. Measure your progress. Keep track of how many times you engage in the old habit and how many times you engage in the new habit. Progress can be difficult to determine without measurement; if you don’t know where you are, how will you know if you’re moving forward or backward? By measuring your progress, you accomplish two things:

* You get feedback so you know how successful you are.
* You have the added motivation of seeing your progress.

5. Be patient. Take one step at a time. Complete perfection is unreasonable, but a little perfection can work wonders. Don’t be upset when the inevitable slip occurs while you’re breaking your old habit. Just examine the situation dispassionately and determine a better solution for the next time. You still gain a lot by decreasing the frequency of the bad habit.

* A good idea is to focus on having one perfect day today. The idea of one day without the habit may seem quite reasonable – and doable – to you. A string of perfect days is a lot easier than trying to be perfect for an extended period.

* For tough habits, a perfect hour might work better for your short-term goal.

Now that you’re armed with a process, you can start eliminating that bad habit today. In 30 days, the new, healthier habit should be a part of your routine without requiring as much conscious effort. Changing to more positive habits can be challenging, but you gain a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when you do so.

Is procrastination a serious challenge in your life? Admittedly, it can be difficult to do things we don’t want to do.

Even when we know that waiting too long will create a lot of challenges, getting started can still seem impossible. Unfortunately, when procrastinating affects your job-related tasks, it can have a negative impact on your professional career as well.

So how can you kick this annoying tendency to put things off and start getting them done instead?

Try these strategies:

1. Schedule when you’re going to do it. Make an appointment in your calendar for the day and time you’re going to work on the task. This is far more effective than just leaving everything up in the air until the right moment seems to present itself.
2. Consider scheduling just enough time to get started. A long, unpleasant task can be very difficult to start. Think, “I’m going to work on this for 20 minutes.” That’s easy enough that you should be able to sit down and get busy. Interestingly, once you get started, you’ll probably spend a lot more than 20 minutes on it. Getting starting is the tough part.

• Make it as easy to get started as you possibly can.

3. Break the task into smaller parts. Larger tasks can seem overwhelming. By dividing the task into manageable parts, it will be psychologically easier to tackle the project. It’s easier to do 10 small things than one big thing.

• For example, once you’ve done five small things, you know that you’ve completed five things, instead of just starting on the one big thing without deriving any sense of accomplishment. So break that task down into smaller bites.

4. Which part is the most dreaded part? Frequently, there is a small part of the task that is really holding you back. Is it possible to get someone else to take care of that part of the task for you? Can you outsource it? Many times, if someone else handles the part you dread, everything else will fall into place.
   Pick the best time to do it. We all have times of the day that we’re better at certain tasks. We have times when we’re better at concentrating, others when we’re more creative, and other times when we have more energy. What’s the proper time for you to tackle the task? Do you need quiet and privacy? Do you need access to certain people?
5. Get what you need to complete it. Make a list of the tools, supplies, and resources that you’ll need to both begin and complete the task. It’s hard to get started when you know you can’t get finished.
6. Reward yourself! Give yourself a reward for completing the task. You’ve earned it! It doesn’t have to be anything big, but we all like a little treat now and then. A little additional motivation never hurt anyone.

Imagine how much better your life would be if you could kick the procrastination habit out the door. Unfinished tasks have a profound effect on your sense of well-being and peace of mind. Living with the stress that procrastination can cause isn’t necessary. Start using the tips above and remove the challenge of procrastination from your life. You’ll be so glad you did!

Here is an affirmation for you:

A sincere smile makes me seem approachable, even from a distance. People feel comfortable coming to me because they feel welcomed by my smile.

When I smile, I do it out of a genuine desire to inspire joy in everyone whom I encounter. My personal goal is for people to walk away from an interaction with me feeling happier than they were before we met.

The world can feel full of unpleasantness and fear, but my smile helps to generate hope. A negative attitude is all too common, and it pushes people away. To enjoy pleasant company, I refrain from giving in to negativity.

Wearing a smile on my face is a conscious choice I make every morning. I smile, not because life is perfect, but because I choose to see the positive in every situation. There is something to find joy in even in the toughest of times.

I make it my duty to find something to be cheerful about at all times. Instead of pushing people away with negativism, I draw them in with my smile.

My friends and family look up to me as someone whose presence they enjoy. They like to spend time with me because I smile. My positive attitude puts me in a position of influence over others.

Today, I choose to find a reason to smile. Whether it is because of a triumph, a lesson, or just the joy of living, I wear a bright smile on my face to inspire others to do the same. With my positive outlook, I am transforming my relationships, my community and my world.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. Why should I smile today?
2. Why is it best to focus on the positive?
3. How does my attitude affect my relationships?

Do you sometimes feel as if you don’t have enough control over your life? Since our lives are the result of our long-term behaviors, you can regain control by making positive changes to your behavior patterns.

Following these strategies will make it easier to change your behaviors and exert more control over your experiences:

1. Make the new behavior as enjoyable as possible. For instance, you might dislike exercising, but if you could find a way to make it more enjoyable, you would partake more often in this healthy activity. Maybe you could exercise with a friend or discover a new form of exercise that you enjoy.

• The more agreeable the new task is to you, the more likely you are to do it.
  

2. Make a list of the positive benefits you’ll receive. By making a list, you’ll begin to see the task in a more positive light. Come up with as many benefits as you can and keep the list in plain view.

• For example, perhaps you feel like you should eat more nutritiously. Some of the positive aspects of healthier eating might include:
  

• I’ll feel better.
• My clothes will fit better.
• I’ll enjoy more vigorous health.
• I’ll be more attractive.
• I can play with the kids more easily.
• I can go hiking again without tiring half way through the trek.
• I’ll feel a sense of pride.
• I can go to the pool without feeling embarrassed.

3. Make the decision. Just decide that you’re going to do it; often that’s the hardest part. Making a decision is the first step to accomplishment. Until that point, you’re really just wishing.
4. Control your thoughts. If you focus on how much you don’t like doing something, it will be much more difficult to get yourself to do it. Try to catch yourself before you get too far down that road. When a negative thought like this arises, substitute a new thought from the list you made in step #2.

• The more incentive you have, the more likely you are to be successful.
• For example, if you spend all your time focused on how good you’re going to look after eating well for three months, your odds of success go up considerably. On the other hand, if you spend all your time thinking negatively, what do you think the outcome will be?
  

5. Reward yourself afterwards. A little reward can go a long way. So, after a new behavior has taken root, do something nice for yourself. More importantly, be proud of yourself for following through on any behavior that improves your life.
6. Be diligent. While getting started is often the most difficult part, it can be easy to backslide if you get distracted and stop paying attention. Every day, review how you did. How successful were you with exhibiting the new behavior? Each moment you spend measuring your progress serves as a daily reminder. This will help solidify the behavior.

Changing behaviors can be challenging, but it can improve your life in the long-term. Examine which behaviors you might want to alter to take your life to the next level, and then apply the process above. Be patient with yourself – you may have been doing something a certain way for many years. Some things will take time to change, but you can do it!

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. -Leonardo da Vinci

I have always found life complicated. If you asked me the time, I would tell you how to make a watch. Or so people said. I always wanted to know just what makes things work. Maybe that is why I spent so much time working with computers. The logic of computers is impeccable.

This past year, I shed everything and rebuilt my life from the bottom up. It has been an incredible experience and some of the intense lessons are just now emerging.

Less is more.

Perhaps that is why I love shows like Hoarders, Consumed, and Storage Wars. People get caught up in acquiring stuff. Stuff and junk. When I gave up my apartment, I got rid of a lot of things and stored a few essentials with friends and family and now that another season is upon us, I am rounding up some of that stuff and wondering WHY? did I save this material.

My passion is for paper and pens. But how many pads of paper does one woman really need? I would be better off choosing one and going with that.

In one episode of Hoarders Ingrid is addicted to shopping on television and had thousands of dollars worth of stuff in unopened boxes. If you have the stomach for it, watch her life.

Back to simplicity.

Mental Clutter

What we need is to find a way to appease our souls without surrounding ourselves with trash. Trash of any kind. This year I have discovered that in spite of claiming that I have never been bored, I really don’t know if I am just not capable of being bored or if I just have my own version of clutter – mental clutter.

My main work for so many years was writing — and it still is — and after a summer of a writing project that consumed me, I had a sudden realization that my life was unbalanced. I scheduled every day from 7 a.m. until midnight and felt guilty if I took time off.

Sure, I took breaks during the day to watch a television show or play backgammon online. And of course, there is Tuesday night bridge.

I have Walden Pond on this blog. I will have to find a way to move these to an easier-to-find spot. I was about to get distracted and go do that now. But I have learned to do that last 3 percent and finish things. Otherwise each day ends in chaos.

I have known all about the K.I.S.S. principle but never actually applied it to my own life. I just never knew that I needed to. My life has always been fairly simple. Except for the mental clutter.